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SNARKOLOGY with Amy Sulam

April 9, 2017 Amy Sulam   Comments

Did I miss something? Are we caught in Groundhog Day? Why are we having discussions from years ago again?

I honestly find this comical ... and frightening. We are back to the bathroom bills. Did Trump literally set us back 50 years? Look I don't know about you but I've had it. If where transgender people pee is really gonna be an issue again, I'm gonna start pissing in the streets. There's so much wrong in so many directions.

Why are straight people so worried about trans people going to the bathroom? I'll tell you. Because they can't ban gays and lesbians from public bathrooms, but this small tweak allows them to be bigots. Believe me, if they could ban all of us from public toilets they would. I've never seen a transgender woman in the ladies’ room and felt fearful.

Do sexual predators hide in bathrooms and wait for victims, sure. It happens. They're usually straight, though. Like the sex offender who hid in a park bathroom and attempted to assault a runner on March 12th in Washington state. She kicked his butt. I digress.

If you've never advocated for victims’ rights or showed up to support rape victims or petitioned lawmakers for stricter sentencing for sexually based offenses, please stop pretending you all of a sudden give a shit. I don't see a ton of straight women freaking out in support of the bathroom bill. I see straight men doing it. You know the same demographic that gives us the majority of sex offenders and hate crime perpetrators?

Transgender women are more likely to be assaulted or even killed than other LGBT community members. And now people want to accuse them of being predators and threaten to harm them because of where they pee?! Really? I think I'll just start peeing on bigots. Hey! At least they'd have proof I'm a girl: problem solved.

Here's the other thing, I've seen stories where butch looking women have been thrown out of public bathrooms for "looking like a guy." I swear straight people just don't want us peeing in public bathrooms. It's like they can't make up their minds. If you look like a guy and have a vagina but try to go to the ladies’ room, security could detain you. If you gender identify as female, some feeble-minded ass hat could accost you leaving the bathroom. This is legislating bigotry.

In a delicious twist of fate, the legislator who wanted to pass the "don't say gay" bill was caught having an affair with his cousin. So, cousin-f***ing in Tennessee is a okay as long they are cis and the relationship is heterosexual? And we're the sexual deviants? Mmmmmkay.

I kind of want to just start walking into men’s rooms, piss in the stalls, and then walk out pointing at penises and laughing on my way. That wouldn't help our cause, but I'd enjoy it.

I honestly get pissed with these bathroom bills because they are based on the unfounded idea that, because a person is transgender, they are a predator. I have the pleasure of knowing many transgender people. They have been on the receiving end of bigotry since they came out. They aren't the bullies, they're the bullied.

My ex-girlfriend is a transgender woman. We are still friends, and there is no ill will between us. I trust her implicitly with my kids, and we aren't even together anymore. She's a much more adultier adult than I am.

If I'm in the ladies’ room and see a transgender man who is forced to pee in there by law, I'm not gonna be happy because the law is BS. I've never clutched my pearls in fear when seeing transgender people so I don't really understand this hysteria. Then again I'm not a no-count, Bible-thumping, cousin f***er.

Gays and lesbians have been going to gender assigned bathrooms with people who are in their f***able demographic since forever. If the conservatives’ fears were founded, we'd have been banging straight people in public bathrooms forever.

The idea that someone is a sexual predator because they're transgender is just stupid. But, if you're banging your cousin, I'm guessing you're not a genius. If you're backing a cousin-banger, again I'm assuming you're why coffee cups are labeled hot.

When did we let the idiocracy take over? At this point if Trump tells foreign leaders, "Go away, I'm baiting," I'll register no shock. We can't let the knuckle draggers win. We need to vote them out of office, or tell them they can have cousin wives if we can bathroom equality. Life is all about compromise, right?

We live in a time of alternative facts and neo-Nazis. We have to be smart and not sink to their level, but I seriously want to R. Kelly them sometimes.

 

 

 

Photo via TheWeek

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