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The Top Ten Reasons…I Want to be a Woman

Female Privilege

January 13, 2015 Bobbi Williams   Comments

Occasionally I’ll see a comment by someone in the general population claiming that there’s a devious ulterior motive lurking behind the need to be the accepted as female. To those people I want to say “Bravo…you found me out!” And here are the primary reasons why I want to do it:

10. I Want to Polish That Glass Ceiling: Women account for less than five percent of the top executive positions. And you know management jobs give you ulcers. Besides, women live longer than men and we wouldn’t want ulcers interfering with that.

9. Don’t Want No Respect: If I were a woman, I wouldn’t have to worry about wasting people’s time with my stupid remarks; they wouldn't pay any attention to me, anyway.

8. Miss Representation: Just 13% of the Senate and 13.8% of the House are women. It’s obvious that men do a better job of running the country. Isn’t it? So, why get into politics at all?

7. That Cougar Thing: I hate being seen as a dirty old man. I’d rather be stared at because the man I’m with is twenty years older than I am…and has money. I repeat…and…has…money.

6. Pregnancy: I long for the day I can feel a fetus shoving my liver into my spleen and squeezing my bladder while I throw up every morning, and then having my vagina ripped apart by the head of a child who can’t wait to grow up and tell me I’m a cold-hearted bitch who never loved him. Such a blessing.

5. Objectification: Men appreciate women. And cars and tools. They know the value of things. So, why wouldn’t a man want to be a woman? It’s a lot easier to get a makeover and be the arm candy than it is to pay for dinner.

4. Clitorectomy: Circumcision is for wussies. This is a “civilized” country, and though a woman can’t get a clitorectomy, there’s always a hysterectomy or, at least, a radical mastectomy. Doctors (mostly men) love doing those procedures, and I’d be totally honored to be among the women chosen to have one.

3. Sexual Harassment: Most guys dream of being harassed by a woman, but for women it’s an everyday occurrence having your ass pinched or your breast fondled. I know all about it and I don’t even have to advertise.

2. The Pay: If I can make about 75% of what I’m making now I’ll be so much better off. Discretionary income is such a bother. When I’m a woman I can slip into a lower tax bracket and find a man to buy me drinks and take me to dinner and not even have to report it on my income tax.

1. The Abuse: When I was a kid, my father slapped me around, sometimes for no reason at all. Now, like so many women, I miss that. Over one million women are forcibly raped by strangers or by their date one or more times each year, and two to four million are assaulted by a domestic partner every year. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

There are many more reasons I could mention—stuff like getting to wear shoes that make your arches fall by the time you’re thirty and still being expected to do the housework and cook dinner even if you do get a job, but my space here is limited. Even if you’re “just a transwoman,” you still get most of those perks and privileges. So, I just don’t see why any man wouldn’t desire to be anything but a woman. There’s nothing devious about it; it’s all just another item on the gay agenda.






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